Service Learning Log 1 - Katie Engquist

Date of shift: April 19, 2008
Hours worked: 2 hours

I had my first experience with Project Angel Heart yesterday when I went with Jessica and Jamie to deliver meals. A few different things struck me about this experience.
Upon first arriving at Angel Heart around 12:40, we were checked in and handed a yellow form with information pertaining to patient confidentiality. I was surprised at some of the stipulations required of a driver in order to deliver meals. The form required that I initial several places, indicating, among other things, that I not date any of the clients, that I not drive them anywhere, and that I not enter any of the houses. To my surprise, the form also said that it was inappropriate to ask a client how he or she was doing. This is something that I never would have thought twice about. “How are you?” is a typical greeting in our society today, and, more often than not, people do not actually respond to the question anyway. However, in the case of a terminally ill patient, he or she is obviously not doing very well. It would, therefore, be insensitive to ask them how they were doing. Instead, the form suggested greeting a client with “It’s nice to see you.”

After filling out the form, Russ came in to talk to the group. I was amazed at the logistical side of the process. In his introduction, Russ told us that, on this particular Saturday, 648 meals would be delivered from two different locations in a two-hour span. He told us that this came out to, on average, one meal being delivered every eleven seconds. I had no idea of the scope of this organization and, needless to say, I was blown away. Russ then proceeded to call out names of drivers, matching each to a letter of the alphabet and a cart full of food. Each driver was given a sheet with specific client information and directions to go with the bags of food. I was very impressed by the organization of the entire process, which helped it to run smoothly. In response to the looks on the faces of some people standing near him, Russ simply chuckled and said, “Just another day at Project Angel Heart.”

After leaving Angel Heart around 1:15, our group delivered food to five houses in the Five Points neighborhood, a neighborhood very near Project Angel Heart. The neighborhood was old and run down, and the first street we turned down had three cop cars sitting in the middle of it. We were all a bit “on edge” after this but needlessly so. We did not have any significant trouble finding the houses, as all were in close proximity of one another. And yet, what created this hesitance and fear? I think the unknown is always a bit frightening, especially when it is an unknown associated with negative stereotypes. To some extent, this reaction is to be expected and is actually quite healthy. It is necessary to be aware of one’s surroundings at all times, even more so in an unfamiliar area. However, it is also important to keep this fear at a healthy level and not to let it become paranoia. One must keep an open mind in order to truly appreciate and gain from life’s experiences.

I think our group successfully kept our fear in check and our minds open to this new opportunity. Someone came to the door of each house to receive the food, and the act of handing the food over was quick and easy. I realized almost immediately how difficult it was not to ask the client how they were doing. Often, such a greeting becomes instinct, habit. Instead, I simply smiled and said hello and wished the person a nice day before leaving. Overall, the process was rather void of emotion. Generally, the person accepted the food, thanked us, and we left. It then occurred to me that this was nothing out of the ordinary for these people but rather another part of daily life. I am sure they appreciated the food, but they really had no reason to express this to us. And really, why should they? We were nothing but messengers in a complex and difficult process. This got me thinking about one’s motivation in volunteering, leading to significant personal growth…

Why do we volunteer if we have nothing to personally gain from the process? Do we feel obligated simply because it is the “right” thing to do? To a large extent, I think the answer is yes; we do serve others out of obligation. Obligation to those less fortunate and dedication to a larger, moral sense of right and wrong. Obligation, and morals, may come from many different places: religion, family, friends, media, community values. But is this wrong? I claim that it is not. It takes all kinds of volunteers, each doing their small part, to make an organization like Project Angel Heart possible. While the job of an individual volunteer may at times seem insignificant, the process as a whole would not exist without each individual part.
Each time I volunteer, I think I go in with a vision much larger than is realistic. Often, my visions may be called idealistic. I hope to make changes that would be extremely difficult for one individual person to achieve. What I am beginning to realize, however, is that I am not meant to achieve these things all on my own. In fact, I am not meant to “achieve” anything at all. I am one small and relatively insignificant piece of a much larger picture. And yet, without my piece, the picture would be incomplete.

In volunteering, I am reminded of the story of the old man walking down the beach, throwing starfish back into the ocean when a young boy approaches him. The boy asks the man what he is doing, telling the man that, given the number of starfish washed ashore, he can never possibly make any difference. As the man picks up another starfish and throws it, he smiles and says, “It made a difference to that one.” Volunteering is not about personal glory, nor is it about saving the world. It is simply about making life a little bit easier for someone else, one person, one small step at a time.