Service Learning Log 2 - Katie Engquist

Date of shift: April 22, 2008
Hours worked: 3 hours

This past week, I volunteered with Project Angel Heart for my second time. My second experience with Angel Heart, working in the kitchen, was very different from my first, when I delivered meals. When delivering meals, my experience was individual and impersonal; I had no significant interaction with the clients. In the kitchen, on the other hand, I was working directly with several other Angel Heart volunteers and staff members. It is fascinating to see both the means (preparation of food) and the end (delivery) of such a process. I was surprised to find that, from my perspective as a volunteer, the means provided more personal and emotional interaction than the end result did. Despite the differences between these two experiences, however, both were equally thought provoking.

Upon arriving at Angel Heart at about 4:45, Jessica and I were greeted warmly by Thom, who showed us where to wash our hands before putting us to work. Our first task was to scoop soup. As we were scooping soup, a girl named Nicole joined us. Nicole was quiet, but this did not stop us from pestering her with questions. We soon learned that this was her first shift at Angel Heart and that she will be starting to volunteer on both Tuesdays and Wednesdays. She is performing this service as part of her probation. Together, the three of us scooped five 20L containers of a creamy soup with bowtie noodles into individual styrofoam containers and then stacked the containers onto trays (60 containers/tray). We filled four and a half trays. The trays were then placed on a cart and put in the freezer to await delivery at the end of the week.

Our next task was to cut potatoes. We received a 20L bucket filled with whole, skinned potatoes. We were to chop these into bite-sized pieces to go as a side item to a meal for the week. At this task, three other women joined us. The one standing next to me was a student at Johnson and Wales University. She started volunteering with Angel Heart in January as part of a class requirement, and she has continued to volunteer once a week ever since. Two women across the table from us were having an animated conversation. It was clear that they were regulars at Angel Heart and knew each other fairly well. When we asked one of the women, we learned that she has been an Angel Heart volunteer since 2006, coming every other Tuesday. It was at this point that the diversity of this group really hit me. Everyone was there for a different reason, each coming from a different place in his or her personal life. Yet we all united for a common cause as we prepared meals for the coming week.

This experience contributed to my civic growth, though rather indirectly. The time I spent at Angel Heart encouraged me to reconsider my perception of community service. In truth, this led me to confusion rather than clarity. However, I believe that confusion can contribute a great deal to one’s growth. In many situations, the struggle to understand is far more important than reaching a concrete answer. Often, such an answer does not exist. During my shift, I thought a great deal about an individual’s motivation in volunteering. Nicole was serving out her probation and, therefore, viewed her service as a punishment. Other women we spoke to were serving of their own free will. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, yet both beg the question of why we volunteer.

WHY does our legal system require service as a form of punishment if it is supposed to be a “good” thing? On the flip side, WHY, if service is viewed as punishment, are people motivated to keep coming back when they are not required to do so? It is possible that a person required to perform a service may be encouraged by the positive aspects of helping others, but I think this possibility is a highly unlikely one. The more life experience I have, the more I am coming to the realization that it is impossible to teach someone something that they are not willing to learn. Education is a two way street, so to speak. If a person goes into a service project with a closed mind and convinced of the project’s worthlessness, then the person will remain bitter and gain nothing from the experience. This realization leads to a few different questions:
• Is a person truly meant to gain anything from volunteering? The answer to this question is different for different people. Surely, personal gain is not the primary focus of the service, but it may provide one’s motivation to serve.
• Is anyone’s motivation to serve truly selfless? Is this even possible? The argument can be made that it is not. Some serve out of requirement. Others serve of their own free will. Even then, however, many serve for direct personal gain (scholarships, etc). If one is not directly gaining from the service, then he or she feels good about this and attains personal satisfaction.
• Do motives actually matter? Maybe not. Regardless of one’s motivation, a service is being performed that is benefiting other members of the community. The result is the same regardless of one’s intentions.
• Is volunteering actually meant to be a “good thing”? If the answer to this question is yes, then the follow up question may be, “For whom is volunteering meant to be a good thing?” The answer to this question seems straightforward. Volunteering is a good thing for the people being served, of course. However, this becomes tricky when the people being served do not appear to have the proper appreciation for the service. Then again, who is to judge this appreciation?
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Questions seem to lead to more questions rather than any answers. There are always more questions. All are questions with as many answers as there are people to ask. Yet all are questions worthy of consideration. I have no definite answers for myself, let alone for anyone else. But I will continue to search, grow, and discover.